As a player I felt that I didn’t have the support that I could have had to make it to a professional level. I never really felt that I belonged with my team at the Centre of Excellence that I played with. I was always on the bench no matter how hard I tried I was never good enough. I was always playing left back even though I preferred left midfield. The lack of game time meant that I lacked in game fitness and it deteriorated. I was there for at least 2-3 seasons however no matter what I did I never felt good enough. The coach would always try and push me on paper as she could see that I had great potential but I believe because she didn’t really understand the turmoil I faced. She never really took the time to understand that I didn’t enjoy playing the game as I always felt like an outsider of my team.

I don’t think the girls actually meant for me to feel like that however I didn’t feel like I could voice how I felt. I would get changed in the toilet cubicles sometimes because I felt so uncomfortable around my teammates. I would always have 2 shorts on when I played as I was really uncomfortable around the girls in my age group bar a small group. I would put on a bravado face to not show how I truly felt. I would never really tell anyone how I felt even my brother, who came to watch every game as my dad could never come to watch me play as he was always working. This really took its toll on my football as, as much as I was extremely happy to be a part of the team, I was at the same time unhappy. Which is hard to explain because even now I wouldn’t be who I am without that team. The games we played, how we played, some of the fun aspects of when I wasn’t so much in my head was extremely fun. There are some amazing stories of our tours and how much fun we did have and just being authentically us, which I look back on and feel so happy and blessed to be a part of that team and have the great teammates that I did. Without realising I think many of the girls taught me a lot of how to stand up for myself, and just as I thought I started to really get on with my team is the moment I lost my contract due to injury and just not shining through enough as expected. I hold so much respect for those girls because for all we were was girls trying to navigate into the world of football when it wasn’t even possible for us to get paid professionally for it. We had so much to juggle and we were still trying to understand each other and I was one of 2 South Asian girls in the timeframe I was there but managed to stay for several years over the span of U7s all the way up to the Women’s team.

I also strived to be academic to keep my parents happy as that I do remember my dad said I was must always focus on my studies as during that time playing football for any women’s team meant that I wouldn’t get paid to play. This was difficult as i just wanted to be a football player however in many south asian families it wasn’t really a normal thing for a girl to be into or play football. So, once I started playing football, I could sometimes feel that some family members were not really fond of it at first. I would hear why are you playing football for? Girls don’t play football. Once they realised I wasn’t going to leave football they just let me be. Then soon they understood and started praising me for it for the accolades I got. Weirdly enough I am sure my extended family praised me and were proud of me but I can never really remember it. I just wanted everyone to see that I could be just as good as the boys at playing football.

So I want to ensure that nobody felt the pain that I felt. This is only one of the few reasons I have set up the womens football academy.